the only thing that stays the same is

stellarxbaby @ 2006-05-31T14:36:00

2006-05-31T18:52:01Z

its been a while...
so lets talk about life.

overall, things are good.
getting everything set up for the baby.
ricky & my mom are totally stoked, and of course im getting more nervous with each passing day, butttt what do you expect, thats what i do, worry unecessarily.

ive been having lots of cramping and backaches annnnd i get up anywhere from at least 1-3 times everynight, either because im uncomfortable-or because i have to pee. soooo because my feet are always so swollen and i cant put them up at work, and my back hurts from sitting over a computer everyday-this friday will be my last day of work until probably july 25th. nice lil break.

our baby shower was awesome. my mom, sherry, beth & janet really did such a great job, everything looked perfect and the food was like orgasmic. beth did this whole dessert table and everyone was asking her for a business card like we hired her to cater ahaha.i met like all of janets family & rickys grandma finally-which was really nice. it was a good time, we got almost everything we needed and that girls got more clothes & shoes then me already and shes not even here yet.....

rickys been soooo adorable. the night of the baby shower he put together the stroller, bassinet & this bouncer seat. then the next day it was the crib. hes soooo excited and in a way in helps calm my nerves because i know going to the hospital all scared-with him and my mom being so excited-will keep me sane.

i really feel like i will go anytime now-the way these cramps and backaches have been-but the dr. didnt even check to see if i was dialated yet...he said next week, when im 39 weeks he will, because he said most first time moms deliver between 39-41 weeks. hes guessing her to be between 7 lbs 6 oz & 7 lbs 10 oz. the smaller the better for me... :)

welll i would update more but it feels like my BACK IS BREAKING right now....

stellarxbaby @ 2006-05-03T12:00:00

2006-05-03T16:20:25Z

for those of you keeping track...here is whats been up in my life...

everything has been nuts lately with the wedding so close and, well, the baby so close!
last weekend was the bachelor & bachelorette parties.
both had their ups & downs i suppose.
the bachelorette party was good for the most part except towards the end when people were getting mad at each other over the road rally & apparently, lots of drug action was going on...that we found out about the next day. nice. it sickens me that people cant do anything without being fucked up. but i went to bed pretty late that night after staying up talking with my mom & sher annnnd by that time my feet literally were about to explode. they hurt so bad.

there is so much going on at once, its getting kind of stressful. this friday is amy, jason & sarahs suprise birthday party & i have to pick up my dress from davids bridal-then saturday will be spent shopping ALL day for all my stuff i still need for the wedding and for jennie and dales birthday gifts. sunday-we're having fam over to have cake & icecream for jen and dales birthday.
then next week....
thursday is the rehersal dinner @ my moms-on top on loads of running around to do that day & im a little nervous because my dad & deb are going to be at MY house...with dino...it could get real ugly.
then friday is the wedding!!!
that saturday im getting my hair done & sunday is mothers day.
then the following weekened is the baby shower, which ive prepared nothing for so far because all of my time & energy has gone into this wedding.

other than all the craziness everythings been really good. things at home are so much better with dino not living there....it is a huge stress reliever.
im doing okay. everythings starting to get really uncomfortable-my back always hurts and my feet are always swollen-i feel like a huge heffer-but i dont have long to go. im 34 weeks this week-so about 6 more weeks to go, and actually, if i had her anytime now-she would still probably be fine-so thats reassuring.

i feel kind of torn because i really want to move out and have my own life with the baby and ricky-but at the same time i dont want to leave my mom and dale either....i guess im just going with the flow for now...

im getting pretty nervous about delivering her. bonnie said its not as bad as you expect it to be & i really hope she is right. i just hope i come up with some kind of strength to deal & not to panic or freak out. i guess there is really no sense in worrying about it.

on that note...i cant wait for summer & my birthday!!! 20!!! and ive already had a lil chat with the baby and told her-i will NOT be in the hospital on my birthday so she better come early :)

stellarxbaby @ 2006-04-12T17:07:00

2006-04-12T21:12:40Z

holy moses its been a while!!

life has been pretty good lately actually.
whats happened... hmmm....
oh yeah, we had jens shower..it went beautifully...they got lots of nice stuff and it makes me uber excited for the wedding even though im going to be a big huge heffer. shit happens.

dino moved out..he got an apartment. not like it matters-he still calls my mom 1,000 times a day and they still see each other all the time & are supposed to start marriage counseling soon. its been nice at home though-no stress. no tension. just calm. i love it.

me and richard are great. we're checking out this house we found to rent right now. im really excited, but stressing too. just with our job situations and the baby coming and stuff....and i really dont know if i could leave my mom and dale in that house all by themselves right now... id feel so guilty. im not really sure what to do....

the baby is good. the doctor predicted she'll be about 7 lbs & some change. shes a little break dancer, and it kills my ribs...and bladder some days. it kind of sucks because im achey everywhere all day, but, got to remember, this too shall pass.

jen & daves wedding is in like a month!!!! INSANITY.
i cant wait.

i think my baby shower is going to be may 20th by the way....keep them calendars clear!!!

stellarxbaby @ 2006-03-28T13:24:00

2006-03-28T18:26:32Z

ive been hit on more, being pregnant....then ever before.

3 times today. already. & its only 1:30.

like, hello giant pregnant belly.

one was a guy from work, one-a hot black guy, and another guy-who apparently wants to be my sugar daddy.

ahahahaha.

stellarxbaby @ 2006-03-24T18:48:00

2006-03-24T23:57:08Z

i figured id update, its been a while, and i have about a good solid 12 minutes until i can leave work :)

lifes rocky lately, in all honesty.
home lifes real ugly right now.
mom & dino are in the middle of another one of their "things"
perfect timing...me and ricky were about to get that condo to....seems like we always get one step forward, two steps back.
i just want my mom to be happy- whatever it is she decides she needs to do-because eventually, me and ricky WILL get our own place-and my soul will be settled

kyles been texting me a lot lately.
its crazy, he always comes around at the perfect time-when i need a friend.
but its not like hes a friend-its so hard to explain
hes just my kyle. always.

the baby is doing good. i went to the drs. today. ive gained a lovely 23 pounds so far. cow much. oh well, the doctor is happy about it.
since i started off being so underweight, i could gain 40 and it would still be okay.
her heart rate is good. shes kicking like crazy. dr. ohm said it feels like her head is facing down, so thats good too. now i go every 2 weeks, until 8 months, then i go every week. next time (april 7th) they are going to be doing another ultrasound to see if the placenta moved. i pray it has. i really dont want a c-section :(

me and richard are doing pretty well... i mean, as well as we can for the situation we're in. all we want to do is move out and have our own space, and its soooo hard to do. i barely see him since he started this new electrician job...but we gotta do what we gotta do...and it makes him happy, so it makes me happy too i guess. i know things will be 100% better when we can just come home to each other at the end of the day :)

its crazy how busy these next couple weeks are. JENS SHOWER IS APRIL 2ND already. thats insane. me and my mom have been working our butts off to get stuff done for her shower. i still need to make the baskets, find something to wear, get them a gift. its insane. but it will be an amazing time.

i could really keep going but its time to go.
thank god for the weekend.

stellarxbaby @ 2006-03-07T15:22:00

2006-03-07T20:39:38Z

im terribly bored @ work...so i guess its a good time to update.

things have been pretty good lately. me and ricky are doing amazing. home life is as good as it can be i guess. and more importantly, neeses 45th birthday is TOMORROW!!

ive been doing all the planning for it (of course)
i bought this banner to hang up, and balloons to blow up and im going to leave her cute little notes all over tomorrow. annnnd im having flowers delivered to her :)
then i believe we are going to take her out to eat, wherever she wants to go, after i get off of work.
it never seems like enough. she deserves the world.

saturday were having people over for her birthday party at four. i got her this cute outfit from american eagle, some really cute pajamas, 2 cds, and a bra and some undies from victorias secret :) annd im painting her something tonight since, thats really the only thing she asked for in the first place....

i got my tax returns back too. woooo hooo. its over a $1,000 dollars, so thats nice. but im saving it all towards me and richards place. whiiich we havent decided what were doing about that yet because he needs another job before we can think about moving out, and i want to rent a house, or duplex or something, i havent really come across an apartment i like too much yet.

kyle called me the other day....he told me josh was in jail for drunk driving...and he hit someone..and ran. im so disappointed. it was nice to talk to him though. just to laugh and know that he still adores me soo much. i really do hope he is always in my life. even if randomly. like big.

the baby is good. i mean, im feeling like a lovely fat heffer, but thats okay. she moves around like crazy. its kind of funny, she does this new thing, where she like messes with ricky. you can feel her foot, then he'll touch it or tap, and she'll kick, they go back and forth. i can hardly believe i am 26 weeks today. its incredible. she'll be here before we know it! we've got the list of people in order of who we're inviting to the shower, so now we just have to call around to decide where we want to have it, and i think im going to pick up the invitations next weekend.

then before ya know it, jens shower will be here, then my shower, then the wedding...holy moses.

i still have to get together with kristen to plan jennies bachelorette party....

stellarxbaby @ 2006-02-27T11:25:00

2006-02-27T16:26:42Z

happy 21st my christina girl

stellarxbaby @ 2006-02-20T13:58:00

2006-02-20T19:12:20Z

i am soooo bored @ work its sick.
i finished lunch at 1:00...and this has by far been the longest 59 minutes of my life.

i think i have looked at every website humanly possible. i thought about cleaning my desk...just to give me something to do.
&&&&& i still have 3 more hours to go.
fuck presidents day.

nothing really is new. over the weekend i got my hair done, & went shopping with neese girl. we spent a lot of bonding time together this weekend.
i got some new clothes, and aunt carol a birthday card.

friday i have the day off work and @ 8am i have a drs. appointment, for that nasty glucose test for gestational diabetes. apparently i get to drink this really sweeeet stuff and they take my blood, and hopefully, everything will come back normal so i dont have to take that three hour test! then i have a dermatologist appointment. theeen were celebrating aunt carols birthday.

ive been petrified lately of everything. im all depressed because im gaining weight, i just feel like a fat, ugly, lazy ass bum all the time. i just keep telling myself "its only temporary". but now im just worried about the placenta not moving to where its supposed to, and labor and everything. i guess you just got to roll with it, because its going to come whether i want it to or not.

ive been feeling miss thang moving around like crazy. i think its pretty cool shes on my schedule, in the morning when i wake up, before i even get out of bed, shes moving around like my little alarm clock. then allllll the way to work, and during the day @ work, and as the night goes on i feel her less and less. its the coolest thing.

i can hardly believe that she'll be here within 4 months, anddd ill be 20
i really need to start calling around the places im interested in for the baby shower, because it's only going to be about 2 months away, and we still have to plan it all out, and figure between, me, my mom, jen, kathy and janet, whose going to do what.

only like 10 minutes have gone by......

i think i might fall asleep before these 3 hours are over.

i misssss my friendss. its been so long. :(

stellarxbaby @ 2006-02-15T13:24:00

2006-02-15T18:40:36Z

life is going gooooood <3

my valentines day yesterday, was very very good.

monday night i painted a picture for richard.
yesterday, i awoke to my boyfriend calling me, & two messages from him saying "happy valentines day baby" "GET UP" ahaha.
soooo i talked to him before i got ready for work.
spent the entire day @ work making his card & his "100 reasons i love you" book.
talk about stress, it took me soooooooo long.
i was going to skip lunch to work on it, buttt me and my girl were a little too hungry for that so i ran and got taco bell, but by the time i ate, and got back, i only had like 10 minutes of lunch left.

soooo of course after lunch, chris has me do highlighting soooo, long story short, i didnt start making his booklet until 6:00 because the highlighting ran into my break, then on my break, i helped tausha make a card for ed. it was cute. we decided we're going to go into the card making business. she told me i should be an art teacher.:)

sooo i rushed and rushed and only got to number 36 before i had to leave to go home. sooo 7 came, and i left and flew home, and started working on in, literally, the minute i got in the door.

worked on it crazily & got it finished. ricky got to my house just as i was putting it together.

i got my homemade card from him. it is perfect <3 he spent soooo much time on it, and its probably more then i can even guess, because hes a perfectionist like me too. it was very sweet and touched me very much. annnnd he got me saw II :)
sooo then i gave him his basket.
whiccch i filled with kisses, snickers & sweetart hearts. and then i found this two cute champagne glasses and filled them with kisses, and i put his painting in there, his booklet, and card and gave it to him. he liked it a lot. i worked so hard. it was a load off to give it to him.

sooo then we decided we were famished, so he ran to the bk lounge and i tossed some laundry in, and started making our CUPCAKES :) he came back and we ate. then i took the cupcakes out and neese frosted them, mainly because i SUCK at it, annnd then richard painted my nails for me, because i was getting frustrated. then we put in saw II.
it was soooo sooooo good. fucked up, but good. i liked it better than the first.

theeen out of nowhere i get this absolutely insane cramp in my foot. almost started crying it hurt so bad, ricky was trying to massage it and im like owwww owww ahaha, its kind of funny now. but it was horrible. thats like the second times thats happened. like my whole foot and toes were like paralyzed, it was nuts.

then the movie ended and it was late late so i tried going to sleep. couldnt really. finally fell asleep around 1:30-1:45.

today i made me and neeses hair appts for saturday. i really need to go shopping for some stuff this weekend too. anddd pay my cell phone bill :(

I NEED TO SEE CHRISTINA

alright, im going.

ill tear us apart

2006-02-08T18:52:07Z

today, i realized just how truly blessed that i am.

i talked to an old friend on the phone. i thought the old feeling, the closeness or bond we once shared would be momentarily rekindled during this conversation of where our lives are now, and to my surprise, i was disappointed. after merely seconds, i could hear in his voice alone, how amazingly different we had both become. i immediately felt entirely greatful and proud of the person ive turned into. i am completely surrounded by family, friends, and the most wonderful man ive ever met, who adore me. i am smart. i am responsible. i know who i am, what i want out of life, and how to go about getting it. i have a huge, generous heart and a good soul, and im not affraid to be me.at the end of the day, im living the best life i possibly can. in a little over 4 short months, the whole reason im here, and my purpose in life, is going to be made whole when i give birth to my baby girl. from that day on, nothing i ever do will be as important, as life changing and as rewarding as that day. i will no longer have to try to get people, and their stories about getting drunk and throwing up all over the place, or acting ridiculously, because MY life, makes perfect sense. and i cannot wait.

its been a while

2006-02-01T00:00:11Z

mainly because i hate the fucking computer, it always goes so slow.

but anyways...

whats new...

well as you may or may not know, we found out on friday that we're having a baby GIRL. it was a very cool dr appointment. ricky was totally geeked, as was, of course my mom & jen who were waiting for us in the waiting room. we have some amazing pictures of her. theres one where it looks like shes blowing bubbles the way the light is hitting the umbilical cord. theres another really cute one of just her long skinny legs crossed at the ankles, like shes just relaxing, and thats EXACTLY how ricky always sits. its hilarious. the ultrasound lady was crackin up.

well then i kind of got scared because the ultrasound lady told me the placenta was sitting kind of low, and in a worst case scenario...its a c-section.

so then i talked to dr long who checked me out, explained more about the placenta, said theres like a 95% chance itll move to where its suppose to, but for now, until we do another u/s in 10 weeks, no sex and no training for the olympics ahaha.

it didnt really scare me so much at first, but now ive been reading about women with placenta previa, and im like scared shitless. if it doesnt move i could end up bleeding, and on bedrest, and in the hospital for weeks until the baby is born.

im just praying that it moves to where it is supposed to be. the next visit is going to be icky. its feb. 24th and its the glucose screening test when i got to fast and stuff, and they'll be taking lots of blood for all other tests. great.

on a positive note...i can feel miss thang moving around allll the time. it used to only be when i layed down and paid really close attention, but now i feel her all day at work, and whenever she starts getting bored and restless i guess. ahaha.

im just really nervous about the whole thing now. i hope everything goes okay and i can have a natural delivery and that everything works out.

oh and quickly, because i have to leave, we found our dresses for jens wedding, their absolutely gorgeous, and mine is the best :) i love it. she changed her color, their like a mocha now. i love love it. i cant wait. her shower is april 2. sooooooo soon.

its 7:00 im outtt

stellarxbaby @ 2006-01-23T16:36:00

2006-01-23T21:36:53Z

-Current Mood: its decent.
-Current Music: none
-Current Taste: twix
-Current Hair: up in a messy pony
-Current Dress: cropped destroyed jean jacket, mauve ribbed tank, black gauchos…
-Current Annoyance: this same annoying claimant that keeps calling
-Current Smell: my perfume
-Current Longing: my pre-pregnant body ahah
-Current Game: none
-Current Thing I Ought To Be Doing: answering the phone
-Current Windows Open: JURIS, claims, inbox, yahoo mail, survey website, & myspace
-Current desktop picture: its just blue
-Current Favourite Music Artist: don’t have a favorite
-Current Favourite Group: …
-Current Favourite Book: my sex and the city book
-Current CD In Stereo: jack johnson <3
-Current Video In VCR: I have no clue, probably an old taped oc
-Current DVD in DVD player: hustle & flow
-Current Colour Of Toenails: a natural pink/white
-Current colour of Finger Nail polish: same as my toes
-Current Refreshment: knowing I have Friday off 
-Current Worry: mmmm….for once im not worrying about anything
-Current Crush: joaquin phoenix
-Current favourite Celebrity: reese witherspoon
-Current Hate: my nails. These red gauchos I wore yesterday like totally died my light light polish this pink color, and it looks like crap.
Thirteen random things you love:
[01] dancing
[02] dressing up
[03] getting a massage
[04] Mexican food
[05] scary movies
[06] driving when a good old song comes on the radio
[07] vintage tees
[08] the beach
[09] listening to cute voicemails from richard
[10] feeling sexy
[11] buying new shoes
[12] making people laugh
[13] dreaming about my wedding

Twelve movies: (no particular order)
[01] the wedding singer
[02] 50 first dates
[03] here on earth
[04] save the last dance
[05] center stage
[06] baby boy
[07] cry baby
[08] steel magnolias
[09] teen witch
[10] whats eating gilbert grape
[11] the notebook
[12] the family stone

Eleven good bands/artists:
[01] jack johnson
[02] my chemical romance
[03] baby face
[04] keith urban
[05] garth brooks
[06] the used
[07] jet
[08] bob dylan
[09] michael jackson
[10] mary j blige
[11] john mayer

Ten things about you:
[01] im a gumaholic
[02] I prefer heels to tennis shoes
[03] I believe in things happening for a reason
[04] sometimes I believe im a black woman at heart
[05] I look down on people who smoke pot, even though I know I shouldnt
[06] I like to think I sort of have a sixth sense
[07] ive always stood up for what I believed in, even if I stood alone
[08] I like my hair really dark
[09] I cant swim for shit
[10] im due june 13th-which is the exact date my mom was due with me

Nine good friends:
[01] neese
[02] jen
[03] ricky
[04] stace
[05] chris
[06] adam
[07] tausha
[08]
[09]

Eight favorite songs: (at the moment?....in no order)
[01] be without you-mary j blige
[02] nasty girl-notorious b.i.g, jagged edge etc.
[03] wanna love you-robin thicke
[04] luxurious-gwen steffani
[05] tonight I wanna cry-keith urban
[06] sugarlands new song
[07] rascall flats new song
[08] I don’t know the name of it, but something about a radio aahha, its like r&b ?

Seven things you wear daily:
[01] shirt
[02] bra
[03] my ring
[04] pants
[05] make up
[06] nail polish
[07] well I would say shoes but that’s not always true soooo ill say confidence

Six things that annoy you:
[01] druggies
[02] liars
[03] spadafores
[04] chewing obnoxiously
[05] people who think they know every thing
[06] people who do things for attention

Five things you touch every day:
[01] my hair
[02] my purse
[03] my cell phone
[04] sniff
[05] my car

Four shows you watch:
[01] the oc
[02] greys anatomy
[03] desperate housewives
[04] er

Three celebrities you have a crush on:
[01] Joaquin phoenix
[02] Justin timberlake
[03] chad michael murray

Two people online that you have kissed:
[01] blaaaah
[02] ……………

One person you could spend the rest of your life with:
[01] ricky

stellarxbaby @ 2006-01-20T11:38:00

2006-01-20T17:12:19Z

things have been really good lately.
its actually been a fun week at work.

besides ricky wanting to beat up jon. ahahah.
he gets too fired up.

yesterday was cool, ricky said after work he was going to look at this couch at his uncles so i went home from work, ate, and changed then headed over to jens for the oc/er.

ive been sort of disappointed with the oc lately. nothing too good is going on, and er was a re-run :( it was a wash, but i always have fun at their house.
sooo around 10:30ish i left to go home and paint my nails and wash some clothes.

got home. after everyone was doing like 40 on groesbeck ? read the new us weekly & the new cosmo and then threw a load in and painted my nails, i was gonna gazelle, buttt it was late, and i was lazy so i took my fat ass to bed.

todays going by decently quick. neese is coming to have lunch with me, which i adore, because we always have such good talks, and i love spending just me and her time together.
i want to do something fun tonight, something different, maybe ill make richard take me to downtown royal oak or something, hmmm....

tomorrow i have a semi-early dermatologist appointment, then i want to go shopping for the apartment and clothes. i need new clothes (pants) sooooo bad. i like dont have any jeans or anything that fit anymore since this lovely pregnant body just keeps changing.

that reminds me, i have to remind my mom to call the apartments today, and water my orchid..so it doesnt die.

& i have to pick up something for dino, woohoo, like he fuckin deserves anything, we're celebrating his birthday on sunday.

im so bummed i havent felt the baby move around yet. it kind of makes me nervous. maybe its just too faint for me to recognize.

soooo all i do is eat anymore. since ive been pregnant ive gained about 9-10 pounds. heffer. i know. oh well. most people start out pregnancy weighing much more then me, i shouldnt complain.i swear my belly is bigger everytime i look at it.
and im back to the waking up in the middle of the night to pee all the time thing again, which is fun..

one week from today, we'll know the sex of the baby!
its crazy, im so geeked.

rickys really excited too, its so cute. he is going to be the best daddy.

we were talking about a baby shower, and im not sure what i want to do, i dont want a huge hall with 150+ people, but my house, or any house would be too small, i was thinking a nice resturant with a banquet room, thatd be cool. i know lots of people who have had really nice baby & wedding showers at them.
probably sometime at the very end of april so keep your calendars open!!

we have so much coming up all in like 2.5 months we have jens wedding shower, her bachelorette party, my baby shower, her wedding, and then lots of birthdays, and the baby! ahhhhhhhhhdfjsifi.

charrita at the shop, like already started cutting out baby coupons for me ahaha shes sooo sweet. i love her.

that should do it for now
keep checkin for updates
<3

whats new with meeee

2006-01-12T23:45:33Z

lets see.

i found out today my leaving date will be august at work...which is technically sept 15, but, we could be out sooner than that. so i guess thats good news, that im in the last group to go.

things with me and richard are great. we'll be moving out soon enough. then yall can come over & visit :)

im getting fatter and FATTER as the days go by. ahaha. i think ive already gained a good 6-8 pounds.
all i ever want to do is eat.
i keep waiting to feel the baby, people say anytime from now until week 20, nothing yet...

mine and rickys one year is coming up...feb. 4th. thats nuts. i cant believe its gone by that fast. time sure does fly.

2 weeks until we can find out what we're having <3

i miss my friends a lottttt
adam, chris, stace....its been forever
we really really really really need to make plans, whatever works for you guys is fine with me

stellarxbaby @ 2006-01-09T15:36:00

2006-01-09T20:36:46Z

this weekend was amazing

well it didnt start off too good.

friday i was over emotional, didnt feel good, stayed home from work, just hated life and cried cried cried.
waited all night to hear from ricky and he didnt call until 20 to 11 because he had to work late. so we talked while i drove around trying to find some place to go that wasnt my house.

then i headed home. he called me back. we talked more and i sobbed and he made me feel better of course. thats what hes good at.
soooo it was pretty late and finally we hung up because he had to get up and work in the morning and joey went and got us bkkk. :)

saturday, i woke up and showered and putzed and tad then me and neese headed to our hair appts. ohmygosh the hair salon is beaaaautiful. they relocated and its incredible. its like a celebrity salon, no joke. of course we got there and i started coughing to death, but it was alright. i love the way my hair turned out, but while we were there, i almost kicked my hair dresser in her forehead..mainly because shes an immature fool. i had to listen to her talk like a 14 year old little girl the whole time, then she totally suckers me into this 40 dollar hair treatment (which is good i guess because my hair came out like silk) but then she like reallllllly doesnt know how to wash hair. theres certain measures you can take to ensure water doesnt run DOWN and ALL OVER the clients forehead, eyes, cheeks. etc. soooo she soaks my entire face and on top of that gets toner in my eye, which burned, ohhh only IMMEDIATELY. i thought my eye ball was going to fall out. then she tries to just soak my eye with water that has eye shadow and mascara....it was nuts. i could have killed her.
anyways, ricky starts calling me when i was finishing up telling me hed meet me at my house, he had been trying to find this suprise for me all day and he had to go pick it up. sooo me and neese head home. her hair turned out awesome. get home. fix myself up. eat. and then richard shows up looking all sexy in some of his new clothes i bought him, and my suprise was an ORCHID. i was sooo excited. he remembered from a movie i pointed out, and they are soooo hard to find (your supposed to have to order them) and theyre expensive. hes amazing. soooo we hung at my house a bit. then we headed to his house to hang beforewe went to see hostel.
driving to his house was a nightmare. it was snowing soooo bad. we made it though. got home. no one was there. we took great advantage of that.
then kathy and vj came home and we hung out with them. and then they decided to come to the movies with us so we piled in the jeep and headed to amc. got there and it was craaazy packed soo richard and vj dropped me and kathy off at the doors to go get tickets and they parked and met us inside. ricky was being sooo cute and romantic. :) sooo they meet us, me and kathy go find seats and him and vj got us frozen cokes and stuff and met us in there. we were crackin up watching them try and find us.
we had a really good time. lots of laughs. the movie was pretty horrible though. for like half of it, we thought it was like a bad porn or something aahaha. then it just got gruesome. yuck.
soooo it finally ended, i had to pee, found this deserted bathroom where i thought someone was going to kill me and i peed quick. me and kathy waited for the boys to pull the car around and we hopped in.
delcared i was hungry. ricky suggested taco bell which was like the first time ever so i jumped on that. got food and headed back to their house. ate. and then the boys decided we were going to have a romantic night in so me and kathy went to get movies while ricky and vj went to go buy stuff to decorate. the ride to the video store was nice. me and kathy got to talk about tonnnns of stuff. it felt good to get a lot of it off my chest. We talked a lot about their family, and me, and ricky…and everything really.
Soooo we get to the video store, I meet rickys other sister Christina, andd we couldn’t rent movies on her account because her boss was there, so the boys call, ricky asks us to stop and pick him up ciggs soooo I was geeked, it was my first time buying them, with my license, and the guy didn’t even card me  sooo we head over to the apartment, we walk in and theres slow music playing and pink rose pedals alllllll over the floor, coffee table and couch and its all dark with just a ton of candles lit and on the couch were three roses for both of us with cards. It was soooo pretty. My card was perfect. Me and Kathy are like “awwwww oh my gossh” aahaha then the boys came downstairs and I kissed Richard a million times and we danced.
After that, we decided to get comfy, put on some pjs and me and Kathy got to pick our chick flick to watch….we picccked sisterhood of the traveling pants…and boy a chick flick it was…
It was cute though. I started dozing off. Buttt since they have a cat now, my allergies were kickin so we left when the movie was over…it was like around 2:30, and that was after I took a picture of ricky trying on my skin tight pink shirt ahahaha. That was hilarious.
Ohh and he had me rolling because hes like, I wonder if when the baby hears my voice or feels my hand if it knows its me, im like I don’t know baby, I guess its possible. So his goofy ass puts his mouth like right on my belly and in his best “luke I am your father” voice is like “baby, I love you. this is daddy” talking like a robot all deep aahahah. Im like baby it’s a fetus, not a retard.
Sooooooo we trek to my house.
Finally get comfy in the study.
Watch some of pulp fiction, could not fall asleep
Finally went to bed at like 5 am
Woke up at 11:15 on Sunday
Waited forever for Richard to wake up
Bitched about being hungry for a long long time
Then ricky left with my car to go get the keys for his truck
I heated up chicken noodle soup and fixed myself up
He came back over and grabbed his tv and surround sound and left to go do some things around his house.
Blah blah blah time went by and I was hungry again
Called neese and she was on her way home from popis and luckily she was hungry too so we went to andarys and had brunch and talked about a lot of stuff.
Left there.
Headed to lakeside.
Where I went into forever 21 and got three cute new shirts and a hot gold cuff. I was disgusted at the amount of foreigners in there. Oh my lord. I was like jesus what is this. Then I was like oh yeah, cheap bar clothes…ahaha. And they all think they need to sing whatever song is on the radio that they know….i just wanted to scream shutttttt uppppppp. Go shop at wet seal. Ahaha. Sooo then I looked in aldo. Saw 100 pairs of shoes I could of bought but cant afford. Damn shit fuck.
Got a strawberry banana smoothie and bounced out of that foreign bitch.
Headed home. Putzed around. Napped for a long time. Then ricky called and woke me up, 5 minutes on the phone with him and I can hear him snoring. Butthead.
Soo I get up and me and neese watch extreme home makeover, desperate housewives and the lovely fricken greys anatomy RECAP. Blah.
Go upstairs and my head was pounding soooo bad I start crying, which just made it worse. So I laid down and eventually fell asleep.

Now Im here and my heads pounding again. I called the dr. to see what I can take or if I should make an appointment and the chick just told me what medicine I could take, but if I run a fever or if im not better in a few days to call back. Talked to Richard. I think tonight we’re really going to sit down and discuss moving in and bills and crap. Were taking care of business.  annnnd I need to start thinking about a new, well paying job, that will pay for training or schooling…any ideas? Because im positive by the end of august ill be without a job. The first group goes at the end of January, the second is sometime in may, and mines in august. Ricky says I should go into real estate because im “good looking with a good personality and I can sell shit” ahahah. I don’t know…but I need to put some serious thought in it…

I had the craziest dream last night. It was about kyle. Maybe because it was his birthday, he was on my conscious or something. We were like in California and he was having this huge going away party (not sure where he was going) but I went with like jen, and Kristen and all those girls and kyle was like a surfer and he left the party like mad or upset to go surf ahahaha. Sandy (his mom) was being really nice to me though, like clinging by my side and telling me that I need to talk to him and work things out and stuff….it was sooo bizarre.

stellarxbaby @ 2006-01-05T18:18:00

2006-01-05T23:23:03Z

my throat hurttts.
& i miss my boyfriend. a lot a lot. :(

going to jens for the oc tonight.
after my mom makes me some pierogies shes been promising meee <3
then hopefully running to meijer to get some scrapbooking/crafty shit to make the thing im making richard....

my back hurts too.

1) Who is the last person you high-fived?
might have been my dr. ahaha. Hes really cool

2) If you were drafted into a war, would you serve?
no

3) Do you sleep with the tv on?
yes

4) Have you ever drank milk straight out of the carton?
no sir

5) Have you ever won a spelling bee?
I don’t think ive ever won, ive been in a ton though

6) Have you ever been stung by a bee?
yes, on my baby toe & like on my boob, but I was 8, so it wasn’t really a boob ahah

7) How fast can you type?
extremely fast

8) Are you afraid of the dark?
if its an unfamiliar place, or im at home alone

9) What color are your socks?
I don’t wear socks sucka

10) Have you ever made out at a drive-in?
No, ive never even been to a drive-in 

11) When is the last time you chose a bath over a shower?
I never chose one over a shower. If ive already showered, and feel like relaxing, ill take a bath

12) Do you knock on wood?
not usually

13) Do you floss daily?
when I actually have floss at my house

14) Do you wanna Fanta?
I hattttte those commercials

15) Can you hula hoop?
oh hell yes

16) Are you good at keeping secrets?
no

17) What do you want for Christmas?
house stuff

18) Do you know the Muffin Man?
no but I wish I did, because I am a muffin queen. I could eat them all day.

19) Do you talk in your sleep?
yes

20) Who wrote the book on love?
me

21) Have you ever flown a kite?
yes

22) Do you wish on your fallen lashes?
nope, I actually just heard of people doing that like a year or two ago

23) Do you whiten your teeth?
sometimes

24) Can you smell what the Rock is cooking?
I wish. Im hungry.

25) Have you ever asked for a pony?
yes

26) Have you, or would you ever, donate sperm/eggs??
no.

27) Can you juggle?
I try, but I fail miserably

28) Missing someone now?
yes, my boy toyyy.

30) Do the chickens have large talons?
huhhh

32) Are you ready to rumble?
no

34) Have you ever been suspended or expelled from school?
nope.

35) How do you spell relief?
relief

36) Have you ever crawled through a window?
yes I have…many times ahahah

37) Have you ever eaten dog food?
ewwwwwwwa no

38) Can you handle the truth?
absolutely

39) Do you like green eggs and ham?
Im really not an egg fan

40) Who is your daddy?
ron kramer

[Shoe size]
7-7.5

[Parents still together]
nope

[Siblings]
geeeege <3

[Pets]
stella & mack

FAVORITES

[Color]
brown/tan/green

[Number]
8

[Animal]
pandas

[Drinks]
non-alcoholic/freckled lemonade, alcoholic-vodka & redbull

[Soda]
mt. dew or red pop

[Book]
this nursery rhyme book Ive had since I was little. I love looking through it

[Flower]
lilies & of course roses

DO YOU

[Color your hair?]
I sure do

[Twirl your hair]
if im sleepy

[Drink/Smoke?]
not at this point in time & no

[Like roller coasters?]
LOATHE

[Wish you could live somewhere else?]
oh definitely. My heart is in maine.

[Own a web cam?]
no

[Know how to drive?]
you betcha

[Own a cell phone?]
unfortunately..its more of an INCONVIENCE

[Ever get off the computer?]
when I leave work

HAVE U EVER

[Considered a life of crime?]
no

[Consired being a hooker?]
briefly…. 

[Used someone]
probably

[Been used?]
im sure

[Been cheated on?]
yes

[Kicked someone in the nuts?]
aahahaha

[Held a gun]
yes

CURRENTS

[Current clothing]
brown stretchy pants, army green button up coat thing, white beater..

[Current mood]
good

[Current taste]
animal crackers

[What you currently smell like]
my perfume

[Current hair]
up in a messy pony

[Current thing I ought to be doing]
nothing

[Current cd in stereo]
an old burned one

[Last book you read]
the lovely bones

[Last movie you saw]
teen witch @ jens <3

[Last thing you ate]
animal crackers

[Last person you talked to on the phone]
some guy

[Do drugs?]
no

[Remember your first love?]
certainly

[Read the newspaper?]
from time to time at work

[Have any gay or lesbian friends?]
Sure do

[Have any straight friends?]
yes

[Believe in miracles?]
I do

[Do well in school?]
I did well in school

[Wear hats]
depends on the hat

[Hate yourself]
never

[Have an obsession?]
possibly

[Collect anything?]
Clothes 

[Have a best friend?]
I have a few

[Close friends?]
mhmmm

[Care about looks]
I care about my looks

LOVE LIFE

[Do you believe in love at first sight?]
no-but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exsist

[Do you believe in "the one?"]
I do

[Are you a tease?]
ive been called one

[Too shy to make the first move?]
ehhh. Depends on the situation.

[Daydreamer]
ohhh yes

[sarcastic]
ahah the majority of the time

[angel]
sometimes

[Devil]
I can be

[Shy]
shyer then most

[Talkative]
sometimes

stellarxbaby @ 2006-01-04T18:12:00

2006-01-04T23:23:22Z

i think im getting sick...
god damn it ricky!!!
i knew itd get it.

i really just want to go home. its been a long day. i freakin tired & hungry and just want to put on fat clothes and relax. & possibly watch my dvd jack johnson in japan.

im pretty geeked about the oc being back on tomorrow. :) :)

me and neese are getting our hair done on saturday @ 1:00. it'll be her first time at a salon. i cant fuckin wait, it'll be 8 weeks since my hairs been done...and if you know me...thats toooooo long. plus my roots are coming in like crazy because my hair grows so fast now.

my belly seems to be poking out more and more everyday. its cute. i get to find out if its a boy or girl january 27. thats going to be the best dr. visit <3

i miss my boyfriend. we'll be moving out soon. wahhhhoo. by the end of this month/beginning of feb.

i cant believe i only have a little over 5 months to go. itll be here before we know it.
then ill be 20.

were going to have one busy spring/summer
*the end of march will be jens wedding shower
*the end of april will be my baby shower
*may 12 is jens wedding
*then the baby will be here
*then my birthday
*then cumberland
*then koa
and me and richard are going to try to make it to maaaine this summer <3

lots of good things to look forward to.
life is good <3

p.s. note: call dad, find out when he wants us to come over so he can make rickys sauerkraut.

days go by

2005-12-30T17:27:57Z

45 more minuteessss. ahhhh. i want to get out.

last night was spectacular. richard was at my house when i got there. annnd we ate spaghetti. and then we started watching my babys daddy, its so funny. annd we filled our more of our "all about us" book. he put some sweet things in there about me :) then i put on bad boys of comedy and i watched that while ricky filled out more of our book. theen i wanted ice cream so him being the sweeet guy that he is, took my car and got gas for me, annnd got me a mcflurry <3
eventually we ended up downstairs on the couch, i fell asleep sooooo late and i had to get up sooo early today.

i woke up early this morning and hes totally sleeping on the floor, i was like laughing, im like baaaby come lay with me. i always kick him off the couch. ahaha. oh well, i cant help it.

i slept in until 7 when i wanted to get up at 6:30. oh well. i got all ready for work and kissed richard goodbye and left. annnd my stomach and the baby reminded me i didnt eat breakfast sooo since i had enough time, i swung in bk and got hash browns & a croissant. mmmm. i think the baby loves it, i could eat that shit allll the time.

works been going by pretty quick actually. darcels been helping me out with the mail so that was done by noon.

it was funny cuz i hear "there she is" and im like oh god what, and i look up and theres lori holding liam and mike & michelle. michelles drs appt was today and she finds out what shes having, so i think lori was keeping an eye on liam while they were over there yet. no word back yet though. im dying to know!!

i get to leave her @ 1:00 and walk next door to meet my mom and richard for my dr appt. its so cool because its rickys first one. i mean, it wont be that exciting, theyll check on me, check the heartbeat, make me pee, and then they have to take mooore blood. sob. after that were going to lunch, i cant wait, im already starving. jesus i just ate, 4 hours ago. ive probably gained 10 pounds over freakin thanksgiving & christmas.

wellll i dont have much else to talk aboutt.
everyone have a safe & fun new years.

note to self : make hair appt!!
cash check
shopping for richards b-day!
cell phone store.

your the last thing i see

2005-12-28T04:35:28Z

so christmas was good.

christmas eve richard came over & hung with the fam.
he gave me two of my presents early. one was this really pretty necklace from forever 21 & the other was a guess purse. cute cute.

after eating lots and talking we headed to church where we met up with jen, dave & daves mom. mass was nice. it was really cool to be there with ricky, i kept making him laugh and he kept giving me kisses on my head. he never let go of my hand the entire time.

leaving church was ugly it was rainy & foggy and cold. ick. we had to stop at some random gas station on the way home so he could get ciggs, gas annnnd he bought me an iced tea :)

we got home and changed into pjs. annnnd warmed up some lasagna and ate the rest of the deviled eggs. mmmm. we smelled nice.

then we headed downstairs, curled up on the couch watching a christmas story and thats all i remember.

dino fuckin woke us up at like 9 am christmas morning because apparently dale was chomping at the bit to open presents.

it was sooo nice to share that morning with ricky :) he was soooo cute. annnd i got sooooo many nice gifts.
on top of my necklace & purse richard also got me two really nice zip up fleece hoodies, perfume, my hoola, victoria secret lotions, and this beautiful necklace from guess with a lock and key and hes like theres kinda a story behind that, when i saw it, i thought you have the key to my heart. it was so cute how he said it. sooo we opened all our presents. hung around. ate breakfast and he left to go to his papas. i fixed myself up and me and dale headed over to dads. hung there. theen a little while later jen and dave got there. annnd we ate. then richard came over. we opened presents. anddd we all played some intense catch phrase.
it was a blast.
we left later and headed to my house.
annnd were lazy, until he left for his dads to go hunting on monday.
he called me at like 8 on monday. was waiting for mark to bring him his glasses then he was supposed to come over and spend the night.
never called.

today i woke up late and putzed for a long time. finally decided to get my shit together and visited jen at the shop. got us mcdonalds (gag) decided i couldnt take that fucked up place anymore and headed home. putzzzed more. fixed myself and then chris came over. we chatted for a bit and decided what to do and we ended up going to buddys where it smelled like rotten eggs and fart. ahahaha. richard called me finally from christinas, said he fell asleep last night, and he got layed off from driving so hes going back to work that crappy shift again, and he had to go back to work tonight and of fuckin course NEVER called like he said he was going to...
im never going to see him with those hours....

i see even harder times heading our way. its scary
i just cant seem to catch a break with him. its always something.

sooo now im putzing. think i might go put in teen witch and get comfy. work tomorrow, thursday & half day friday. but i have to go to the doctors, my hair appt & go shopping for dicks birthday.

im really irritated right now.
i kind of want to go to sleep and wake up when i know hard times are gone.

stellarxbaby @ 2005-12-22T11:26:00

2005-12-22T16:39:56Z

im offically on vacation until the 28th which is a beautiful thing.

me & neese are going to swing by the apartments today so if we cant fill out an app.
then hit the mall. unfortunately. i hate ittt.
i got to get my moms stuff,
and probably richards tomorrow because i need to see how much his phones going to be...

i cant wait to get out of this house.
im so geeked.
no matter what happens, i really benefit because im away from dino annnnd if my mom ends up working things out with him, theeen me and ricky take over the apartment and get just about everything we need.

i need to see christina & stacey today or tomorrow so i can give them their gifts. i havent seen chris in like 5 years. i miss her.

saturday we're still planning on having xmas eve here whiccch is going to be uncomfortable because everyone knows whats going on and i dont even look at dino anymore let alone talk to him since all the shit hes pulled...

sunday ill be going to mi padres as usual. i cant wait. i love christmas day at my dads, its sooo chill and always good food and its just cozy, i can let my guard down and not be all on edge like i am at home with dino, ready to fight or be angry any minute.

sooo i really cant believe jennies wedding is in like less than 5 months. annnd i will be a big huge girl by then. my bellys poking out a little. its cute. i really havent gained much weight at all, maybe like 4 pounds. which isnt bad because they say you gain a pound a week after your first trimester. i cant believe im 15 weeks already. nuts.

i cant wait for this baby. im really sooo excited. me and ricky we'll have our own place and our shit together, and after my company moves im going to go to school. its going to be awesome.

i realllllly need to go get ready for the mall. and try to keep some patience. at least i know exactly what stores i need to go to...thats helpful. i have like 500 dollars to finish ricky and get my moms things.
& id really like to get an outfit or two for christmas, because were going to church and everything, but if not, im sure ill manage, i have enough clothing to provide for a small country...

the only thing i really hope i get for christmas is the locket i asked for. its sooooo pretty. than ill be able to put pictures of richard and my baby in it.

k. im done with this now.

stellarxbaby @ 2005-12-16T18:37:00

2005-12-16T23:42:32Z

it felt so good to wake up with ricky today.

with that said it was a pretty good day.

i look cute.

i had a good lunch with neese @ panera
& got hit on by some lovely guys with apparently big balls.

i cant wait to go home. 20 more minutes.

you know what i miss...dance on fridays. the innocent days. where stace would come stay the night and we always got pizza, practice our dance & talk about boys and the lifethread guys all night. annnd shed start her period the next morning aahah. or hanging out with chris after driving around, dancing in parking lots.....
i would give anything to be 15 again...

oh yeah did i mention i got my license in the mail on wednesday. yepppp. what now.

&& i found this humorous. john mayer talking about kanye west. its about time someone says something about that cocky racist fuck

About Kanye West, Mayer said, "I think Kanye West is a great artist with a bad idea. I respect his talent and working with him, he gives not a thought to the possibility of failure, but he really is just a little woman. He thinks too much about the character."

stellarxbaby @ 2005-12-15T15:17:00

2005-12-15T20:29:15Z

yesterday was a horrible day.
work was shit.
came home to dino screaming at my mom, so im alll yep im getting the fuck out,
i leave in the snowy crappy weather, starving, & my cell phone was almost dead.

try to go to aunt carols. couldnt find her house. just showed up at my dads. started to fight with ricky on the phone. didnt stay at my dads long. went home. at hamburgers & hashbrowns with neese and cried and talked. putzed around. wrapped some gifts. eventually went to bed. i felt weird. i had the weirdest headache and belly ache. me and neese just laid in my bed talking until i was out.

got up and got ready today. dino was totally hammering something at 8:45 am. im like oooh cute. neese brought me to work because the roads were sooooo bad. an ambulance spun out right in front on us on the bridge on moravian. the morning went by pretty fast. went to p.f. changs for lunch with amy, janet & chris. it was nice. i am stufffffed now.
i finished all the mail & highlighting so im presuming its going to be a long 3.5 more hours to go...i wish theyd just let us go home early, its so crappy out.

this weekend should be decent. i got to finish my shopping saturday, then sunday were celebrating britts birthday. i cant WAIT to be done shopping.

annnd by the looks of things, we'll be moving out soon. i think it will be better for all of us. im not no way bringing a kid into that household. not like that.

&&& next week ive only got to work mon, tues & wed yesssssss. im off the 22-27. nice lil break.
than the 30th is my next dr appt, me and neese have hair appts and i will need to shop for richards birthday presentsss.

i cant wait for the oc tonight. chrismukkah. yesssss. chrismukkah barmitzvakahh ahaha.

godddd please let the power go out here or something so i can go homeeee.

Appearance
I am shorter than 5'4.
I think I'm ugly sometimes.
I have many scars.
I tan easily.
I wish my hair was a different color.
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
I have a tattoo.
I am self-conscious about my appearance.
I have/I've had braces.
I wear glasses.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100 safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
I have more than 2 piercings
I have piercings in places besides my ears
I have freckles.

Family/Home Life
I've sworn at my parents.
I've run away from home.
I've been kicked out of the house.
My biological parents are together.
I have a sibling less than one year old.
I want to have kids someday.
I've had children.
I've lost a child.

School/Work
I'm in school
I have a job.
I've fallen asleep at work/school.
I almost always do my homework.
I've missed a week or more of school.
I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years. I always was
I failed more than 1 class last year...
I've stolen something from my job
I've been fired.
I've skipped school.

Embarrasment
I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
Disney movies still make me cry.
I've peed from laughing.
I've snorted while laughing.
I've laughed so hard I've cried.
I've glued my hand to something
I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
I've had my pants rip in public

Health
I was born with a disease/impairment.
I've gotten stitches.
I've broken a bone.
I've had my tonsils removed.
I've sat in a doctors office with a friend.
I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
I had a serious surgery.
I've had chicken pox.

Traveling
I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
I've been on a plane.
I've been to Canada.
I've been to Mexico.
I've been to Niagara Falls.
I've been to Japan.
I've Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
I've been to Europe.
I've been to Africa.

Experiences
I've gotten lost in my city.
I've seen a shooting star.
I've wished on a shooting star
I've seen a meteor shower.
I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator
I've kicked a guy where it hurts...
I've been to a casino.
I've been skydiving.
I've gone skinny dipping.
I've played spin the bottle.
I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
I've crashed a car...
I've been Skiing
I've been in a play...
I've met someone in person from the internet..
I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
I've seen the Northern Lights.
I've sat on a roof top at night.
I've played chicken..
I've played a prank on someone.
I've ridden in a taxi.
I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
I've eaten Sushi.
I've been snowboarding.

Relationships
I'm single
I'm in a relationship.
I'm engaged.
I'm married.
I've gone on a blind date.
I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
I miss someone right now.
I have a fear of abandonment.
I've cheated in a relationship.
I've gotten divorced
I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
I've kept something from a past relationship.

Sexuality
I've had a crush on someone of the same sex
I've had a crush on a teacher.
I am a cuddler.
I've been kissed in the rain.
I've hugged a stranger.
I have kissed a stranger.

Honesty/Crime
I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't..
I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't....
I've snuck out of my house...
I have lied to my parents about where I am..
I am keeping a secret from the world.
I've cheated while playing a game.
I've cheated on a test...
I've run a red light
I've been suspended from school.
I've witnessed a crime.
I've been in a fist fight...
I've been arrested...
I've shoplifted

Drugs/Alcohol
I've consumed alcohol.
I regularly drink.
I've passed out from drinking.
I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
I've smoked weed
I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them.
I've eaten shrooms.
I've popped E.
I've inhaled Nitrous.
I've done hard drugs.
I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
I can't swallow pills.
I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
I have been diagnosed with clinical depression...
I shut others out when I'm depressed.
I take anti-depressants.
I'm anorexic or bulimic.
I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
I've hurt myself on purpose...
I'm addicted to self harm.
I've woken up crying.

Death and Suicide
I'm afraid of dying.
I hate funerals.
I've seen someone dying.
Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
Someone close to me has committed suicide.
I've planned my own suicide.
I've attempted suicide.
I've written a eulogy for myself.

Materialism
I own over 5 rap CDs.
I own an iPod or MP3 player.
I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
I own something from Hot Topic.
I own something from Pac Sun.
I collect comic books.
I own something from The Gap.
I own something I got on e-bay.
I own something from Abercrombie.

Political/Social Attitudes
In general, I don't like people.
I'm a feminist.
I'm outgoing.
I listen to political music.
I'm Democratic.
I'm Republican.
I'm liberal.
I'm religious.
I dress fairly modestly.
My attitude is, "If you've got it, flaunt it."

Random
I can sing well.
I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
I open up to others easily.
I watch the news.
I don't kill bugs.
I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
I curse regularly.
I sing in the shower.
I am a morning person.
I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
I'm a snob about grammar.
I am a sports fanatic.
I twirl my hair
I have "x"s in my screen name..
I love being neat
I love Spam
I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day
I bake well.
My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue...
I would wear pajamas to school.
I like Martha Stewart....
I know how to shoot a gun
I am in love with love...
I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
I laugh at my own jokes.
I eat fast food weekly.
I believe in ghosts.
I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
I am really ticklish.
I love white chocolate
I bite my nails.
I play video games.
I'm good at remembering faces.
I'm good at remembering names
I'm good at remembering dates.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
My answers are totally honest

Life is Random...ask questions
Ocean or Lake? ocean
Pizza or Chinese? pizza
Mansion or Penthouse? mansion
Have you been on a Jet Ski? For the first time ever this summer with my dick <3
Are you afraid of clowns? If they’re evil clowns, bozo=tolerable, it=kinda fuckin creepy
How many brothers/sisters do you have? One sister. I don’t take credit for the nin-com-poops residing in my household
Favorite band/group? I cant chose
Baseball or football? baseball
Favorite brand of makeup? Mac or benefit
Waffles or pancakes? waffles
Do you have an IPod? nope
Bike or scooter? neither
Ever go in a hot air balloon? Are you crazy
How will you celebrate turning 21? Im not sure. I don’t tend to make plans 2 years ahead
What brand computer do you have? Here at work isssss…… hewlett
How many times have you been to Disney World? never
Favorite city? Well ive never been out of mi besides kentucky and ohio doesn’t even freakin count, soooo my favorite city in michigan is probably rochester or royal oak
Ice cream or frozen yogurt? Both 
Do you think you are fat? Psssssh yeah. Hello 109. pregnancy is moving me right on up the charts
Ever throw up in a public place? Mmm. Don’t recall
Do you have a pool? My pops does
Ever drive a car? yes
How many times a month do you go to the movies? Whenever something is out I wanna see
Last movie you saw? Saw period ? or like movies saw ? because we just rented war of the worlds…
Who is your hero? Denise lynn
How old are your parents? 44 & 49
What deceased person would you like to meet? My grandparents. All four.
Do you chew ice? No, im not sexually tense one bit 
Have you been to California? Nope, and honestly have no desire to
Last book you read? I don’t really read
Favorite teacher? Ever…would have to be mrs. Vanhuysse or ms. mcpherson
Do you like to go fishing? If im with a boy who will put the worm on and stuff. I usually get bored after .2 seconds though
How many boyfirends/girlfriends have you had? Serious ones…two
How many of those do you regret? zero
What is you average in school? ---------
Favorite professional team? I loathe watching sports on tv
Do you like mohawks? Fauxhawks
How many pairs of shoes do you own? 8 trillion
Do you floss? Yes. Im a fanatic
Do you have braces? No way jose
Do you bite your nails? Not anymore
What is your last thought before falling asleep? I don’t know. I guess it varies
Do you fall in love easily? Mmmm. Im kinda in the middle about that
Ever have a crush and they never knew? Most likely
Do you babysit? If I need to
Ever been shot at? Ahaha no
Do you work out/exercise? I cant now, but normally yes
Do you have 6 pack abs? not anymore
Do you consider yourself nice? Definitely
What movie character would you like to be? Any that get to make passionate love to joaquin
Do you go to camp for the summer? no
Ever been bit by a snake? Eek. I don’t go near snakes
Have you been on a boat? yes
Name of friend you have known the longest? stacey
Do you like jumping on a trampoline? When its safe and not 38423834 people trying to jump
Ever break a bone? nope
Name of favorite Aunt/Uncle? I cant pick a favorite
What is your ultimate job? I would love to be a pediatrician
Do you want to walk on the moon? Thatd be pretty cool
Can you name the seven dwarfs? Happy, sleepy, grumpy, sneezy, doc, dopey… I don’t know the other one
Favorite TV show? The oc
Apples or oranges? oranges
Favorite model of car? I love love navigators
Favorite flower? Lily
Favorite color? brown
Besides family, ever have someone of the opp sex in your bedroom? yes
Ever climb out your bedroom window? Ahh id really have no place to go once I got out, but to fall to my death
Do you live in an apartment or house? house
How many times in the last month have you had the hiccups? I don’t know, but I get them really bad when I do
Ever laugh so hard milk came out your nose? no
How many cousins do you have? I only have 5 first cousins
Do you believe in ghosts? yes
If you were a bird, what would you be? penguin
Ever get stitches? no
If you could, would you want to know what your future was going to be? no
How many kids do you want to have? 3
If you could change your name, what would it be? I like my name
Dogs or cats? dogs
Who do you tell your problems to? my mother, my boy & my friends
Who can your tell your secrets to and know they wont tell? neese
Do you believe in love at first sight? no
Do you go to church? no
Would you marry outside your religon? Of course
Volleyball or tennis? volleyball
How many people were at your last party? I don’t remember
Ever ride in a limo? yessss
Ever drink champagne? <3
Favorite dinner? Spaghetti

stellarxbaby @ 2005-12-12T18:21:00

2005-12-12T23:25:08Z

this weekend was good.

i spent lots of time with richard
got lots of shopping done
decided that girls smoking looks like total trash.
i pull up at the mall and theres like two, 14, maybe 15 year old girls smoking a cigg, and i was like my god that looks terrible. i just wanted to go smack them.
im glad thats all behind me.

annnd i have no patience at the mall.
or for any people these days for that matter

i cant wait until me and richard get our own place.

im feeling awfully fat lately

i still have to finish up my dad, deb, chris, ac & jake, my mom & ricky. ahhhhh

oh yeah, and their building a QDOBA @ 16 & rochester which totally pumps me up.

annnnnnnnnd that is about all of the important stuff for now.

oh yeah, p.s., i hate my job.

stellarxbaby @ 2005-12-09T18:52:00

2005-12-09T23:52:48Z

The Year In Review:

Copy and paste the first two sentences of the first REAL entry (no quizzes or memes) of every month in 2005.

January:

you're not here anymore....and for the first time in my life, thats okay.
being with you so long, ive come to love you in ways, girlfriends arent supposed to love their boyfriends.

February:

i miss adam gregory macieczni. my heart is empty.

March:

my lord.
i dont know what is wrong with me lately.

April:

"after all of the things that you have wrote me today i came to the conclusion that im in love with you and i want to make this work please just let me try i wont let you down just trust me"

May:

i cant not even begin to explain to you what my life has been like the past 4 days.
ive never been more loved & more happy in my life than i am now.

June:

dont really know what to say about lately.
kind of at a loss for words.

July:

goddddddd im tired.
holy moses.
i dont think ive seen 6 am since high school

August:

wednesday night, richard didnt have to work, so he picked me up from work. we went home.

September:

ahhhhh yesterday was awesomeeee.

i had the day off work, & did i ever enjoy it.

October :

well friday was ok. my boyfriend picked me up from work with stella. we talked about his bad day the entire way home.

November:

friday..well..thursday & friday, me and ricky fought. sooo he decides it would be cute to go hunting up north with his dad friday night/saturday morning.

December:

jen picked me up from work in the laredo and i droveee.

we had fun. all we did was laugh.

ring a ding a ding a ding a-ling

2005-12-09T23:22:10Z

45 more minutes to go.
i might just hang myself with the phone cord.

yesterday was splendid once richard came over
♥
i ate dinner. we watched the oc. & cuddled. mmm. and he kissed me lots. all over. annnd told me my hair smelled like chicken ahaha.

we had a pretty good night id say. we stayed up late talking. ate hot dogs at like midnight with mama and joe.

he started feeling poopy because of bronchitis (sp?)

i just remember falling asleep with him wrapped all tight around me.

only a little tiff before we went to bed. but. it was really me. i need to learn to take everything slow and one thing at a time, and things will be how i want them to be

sooooo today i got all geeked because i was going to go get qdoba, i looked up directions to the one on maple and it seemed easy enough. totally get to adams annnnd the road closes after .2 seconds for roadwork, so im all, sweet testes and turn around to head to rochester. end up at arbys. ate. went back to work where i did everyones jobs as per usual.
i almost knocked chris out today. i was oh so close.

only 40 minutes now. look out.

i think im going to clean my desk.
that will waste some time.

theen maybe ill browse the internet for more xmas ideas. ive only gotten dick two things. yikes. christmas with my family is in like, 15 days. definite shopping time this weekend.

im going to go do some putzing.
then hopefully have a plesant ride home.
get to see my man.

note to self:
have patience jess.
you'll get through it.